Temporary!
by Azmus
Summary: 'I'm reinstating you as an angel.' I rose to my feet and yelled. 'Who the fuck do you think you are' 'God'... Satan, proud ruler of Gehenna, was captured by angels and agrees to become a TEMPORARY angel again if not only for getting God off his back. To make matters worse he ends up as a guardian angel...to the Okumura twins. little cracky sometimes.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_My wrists and ankles bound in shackles, underneath my eyes dark circles courtesy of insomnia, a frown replaced my usual maddening grin, and my blue eyes the same color of my trademark flames gazed up at the blinding light and squinted. _

_Heaven. God. I was never a fan._

_Angels looked down at me and I could sense their pleasure at my impending execution. And they said demons were lustful for bloodshed and destruction. They pushed me at an altar and reveled in my helplessness. I looked up only for my head to be pushed down by one of their scepters. I smirked; I guess I wasn't allowed to look at God. _

''_Lucifer.'' A soft voice rang all over the judgment room. _

''_God.'' I mocked. _

''_Do not tempt me, I have half a mind to send you to…''_

''_Hell? Sorry…I own that.''_

''_Purgatory…Or…OR Better yet!'' God jumped off of the throne room and grabbed my neck. I looked at the supposed ruler of Assiah with a cautious smile. _

''_I could send you to Assiah,''_

''_I did want to visit England…How very thoughtful.''_

''_Maybe my idea was bad.''_

''_God, every idea that you come up with is bad.''_

_The angels watched from the sidelines how God let me speak to him like that. A condescending smirk spread across God's face. It frightened me. _

''_No,'' he chuckled lightly as if talking with an old pal, ''I think this idea is brilliant.'' He cocked his head to the side and asked. ''That is, if you'll behave?''_

''_What's in it for me?''_

''_You help me, I let you go back to Gehenna.'' I stuck my tongue out. _

_He sighed and dropped me to my knees. I lowered my gaze and started laughing. God sat back down in his throne and whispered ''I'm reinstating you as an Angel.'' _

_Silence engulfed the whole area. My shackles feel off of my wrists and ankles. I rose to my feet and yelled ''WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?''_

''…_God?''_

_I shook my head; I was the sarcastic cynical one. I raised my hand and pointed at God who looked at me with an amused expression. ''IF I help you will you get out of my life and get these little deities to stop coming to Gehenna? UNTILL THE END OF TIME AND SPACE?!''_

_He rose to his feet, walked over to me, hugged me, much to my protest, and then shook my hand. ''Deal.''_

_With that God ended the meeting and gestured for me to follow him. We walked in silence and I took that time to look around. Not much has changed. Heaven has a bit of a renaissance feel to it. So we reached his office and I walked in first, like I used to. He raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing. He was never a man of many words. He locked the door behind us and I waited for him to say something. After seconds of awkward silence I broke the ice by saying ''I'm not doing this if I sprout wings.''_

_He nodded for me to continue and I gladly did. ''And, I get to use my flames.'' He didn't reply. ''I'm using my flames!'' I snapped at him. ''Alright.''_

_I grinned. _

''…and that's how I got myself into this situation.'' Satan ended. Angels blinked at him in surprise. One of the older, more messy angels scoffed ''I just asked for your name.''

Satan grinned and flashed his fangs. ''Yes, but you looked so scared when you heard the word _Satan _roll off my tongue that I felt an explanation was needed.''

One of the younger angels chuckled and Satan glided to him in an instant. ''Hello, my name's Satan, who might you be?'' He extended his arm out to the angel and winked seductively. The angel unsteadily shook his hand and gulped. ''Lailah.''

Satan's mouth twitched and he shook silently before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. Lailah just sighed and said ''Yes, I know…I'm the angel of conception. Ha. Ha.''

The demon king who was sprawled on the floor of an angelic pub, yes he was surprised too, jumped to his feet and exclaimed. ''You're my intern!''

''E-excuse me?''

''You're new here right?''

''Yes…You could say that.''

''Well since you're new here and I'm basically a veteran, I figured, I might claim one of you rookies as my intern. Besides, you're cute and I haven't made all of my hurtful jokes regarding your name yet.'' _Not to mention that piece of shit named God ordered me to find someone to keep me company. Ha! I fooled him; I'm not picking one of those old ignorant bastards. _

Lailah closed his eyes and sighed in exasperation. ''I don't think the mighty and all seeing God would approve…'' he opened his eyes only to see Satan tilting his head to the side like some cat. ''Oh trust me… God can't see EVERYTHING.'' The other angels blinked yet again after witnessing their friend Lailah being dragged away by Satan who cackled like a lunatic.

''Better him than us.'' The messy angel commented and resumed practicing his mad bartending skills.

_**Disclaimer**_ because I can't for the love of anime place it at the top like every normal human being: I do not own Ao no Exorcist. Those characters (other than Satan and the blue flames) will appear in the next chapter, this disclaimer applies to every chapter in this story. I do NOT earn any money by writing this.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A couple of hours later Lailah was in God's office. God eyed him with sympathy. ''Of course he would choose you.'' He sighed in annoyance and glared at Satan who was fiddling with a shiny blue angelic circle that appeared above his head.

''Are you sure you don't want wings?''

''Yeah, I don't want them…give them to junior over there.'' Without taking his eyes off the circle he pointed his thumb at Lailah. ''I will sprout them soon enough thank you.'' He retorted.

''So, you're a mortal huh?''

''Was.'' Lailah snapped.

Satan shrugged his shoulders and muttered. ''Same difference. You weren't born an angel but yet you were made one.''

''So, since when have you started giving mortals angelic powers?'' Satan inquired.

''Since when have you started giving demonic powers to mortals?''

''Touché.'' He grinned at God who stared back blankly at him. Lailah chafed his shirt collar and gulped at the tension building up in the room. God got up to leave only for Satan to gently push him back down and ask ''What am I supposed to do here dork-face?''

''A couple of missions. Just something to entertain me. You have no idea how dreadfully boring Heaven became after I kicked you out.''

''You sound like one of my sons. Bitch.'' Satan grumbled in disgust. God smiled warmly and reminded. ''Choosing a mission is still done via bulletin board.'' Satan's eyes widened. He grabbed Lailah's hand and cried out in a hurry. ''Run you bamboozle! It's probably a blood bath down there! I am not going to get stuck with something stupid!''

''Remember that dog you had to watch over?''

''DON'T REMIND ME, GOD!''

Like Satan said a lot of Angels were arguing about mid ranked missions. Satan looked at the top of the board and laughed maniacally when he saw the reward. Lailah followed his gaze and yelled. ''I'm not ready for that kind of mission!''

''Fine then, I'll go solo.''

''God said never to let you out of my sight.''

Satan grimaced. ''How very loyal of you. Listen junior. You need to lighten up.'' He walked over to the bulletin board and ripped the piece of paper with the highest reward off. The sound of ripping paper resonated throughout the room. Arguing stopped and they all stared at the person who was responsible.

''Hey.'' Satan greeted and waved his hand. He decided that since none of them were going to fight he'd just leave them alone and read over the mission.

He scanned the piece of paper and groaned. ''Ah! It's one of those guardian angel deals!'' He grabbed onto a golden column and hit his head against it. Lailah ran up to him and pulled the disoriented angel turned demon turned angel away.

The young mortal turned angel took a look at the mission and wondered aloud. ''Why was this ranked so high up and dangerous?''

Satan who only saw music notes flying around his head shrugged and said ''Got no idea. Maybe it's because of the kid we're supposed to guard or something…eh Fertilizer?''

Lailah let go of Satan and left him sprawled on the floor. He skimmed the paper and found two names that were hidden by God.

_Rin Okumura & Yukio Okumura. _

''Oh, oh, oh. Mr. Satan you are going to have a field day when you read this.'' Fertilizer chuckled and pointed with his index finger at the names. Satan jumped to his feet and started cursing God. ''YOU LITTLE BASTARD! Oh, you did this on purpose you fucking son of a bitch! Hiding behind that mahogany desk while Angels do your fucking bidding! I have half a mind to start another revolt against you!''

A small paper airplane flew out of God's office and it hit Satan right between the eyes. Satan muttered, ''Headshot.'', straightened the piece of paper out only to grumble, crumple the paper into a ball and throw it towards a trash can. Lailah grabbed the paper ball and read. **No one would follow you this time. **He snickered and turned to laugh at Satan. He gaped like a fish when he saw a deity hug him and yell out for all of Heaven and Assiah to hear. ''LUCIFER! YOU'RE BACK! I KNEW IT!''

Satan tried wiggling his way out of his old 'friend's' grasp. He failed miserably. ''Let go of me Hadraniel!'' He growled through gritted teeth. Hadraniel chuckled and dusted off some dirt off of Satan's clothes. ''Sorry, you know me and hugs. I'm addicted.''

Satan raised an eyebrow and whispered ''Yes, perhaps you should seek out help. Shouldn't you be guarding a gate? Don't want any demons wandering in, do we?''

The supposed gate keeper and angel of love tilted to the side and scowled slightly when he saw Lailah. He leaned closer to Satan and asked. ''What are you doing with _that_ boy, Light Bearer.''

Satan narrowed his eyes and sarcastically answered. ''Nothin' special, might take him out on a date. Feed him some popcorn like a little rodent or something. What's his story anyway?'' Lailah who was right behind Satan coughed to get their attention but that only resulted in Hadraniel giving him some cough syrup and shooing him away with his hand. ''Rebels talking.''*

Another airplane from God's office hit Hadraniel in the nose. **If you don't like it here, go to Gehenna. **Satan averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. The last thing he needed was Hadraniel messing up his plans of Assiah domination. He had Beelzebub to do that.

''Your hair is long.''

''It had always been this long.''

''I reaaaally want to hug you again.''

''Don't.''

''You should go drinking with Gabby and me.''

''I'm kind of busy at the moment how about never?''

Hadraniel grabbed Satan's hand, much to the demon king's confusion, and started explaining as they walked towards his assigned post.

''God decided that perhaps angels shouldn't be born, but made. So pop, this kid happened.'' He gestured for Lailah. ''He has no memory of who he was, just his traumatic death.'' Satan grinned at that. ''All I know is that this kid is from North America and that he's been blonde since birth oh and he liked to watch Supernatural a lot.''

Lailah blinked in surprise and asked ''What more do you know about me?''

''Nothin' nothin'. '' Hadraniel quickly said and locked himself in his booth.

Satan looked at his right hand, the one Hadraniel held, and shuddered in revulsion. He really hated that guy. Lailah who clearly wanted more answers exhaled in anger and clenched his hands into fists. Satan grinned wildly at the sign of anger. Angry angels are rare and unpredictable. He wondered what his intern would do, but his fun was cut short when he saw him calm down instantaneously. ''Let's go to God. He needs to give us some guidelines as to how we're going to do this mission. No objections, Lucy?''

''Satan.''

''Fine, my name is Lailah. Not Fertilizar, not Fuck-mongrel, not any of those stupid little snide nicknames, we clear?''

''Meh…call me Lucy, Fornication.''

''Why, must you insist upon calling me these nicknames?'' Lailah cried. The demon King snickered. ''Because.''

As they headed for God's office they passed a small antique shop. Satan, as fast as the speed of light, pressed his face against the glass and looked in awe. Blondie walked over to Satan and followed his gaze to see the object that held his interest.

An elegant black violin, on both sides decorated with fire streaked hollow shapes, and its silver strings shone when light graced them with its presence. A black bow rested on the neck of the violin, begging to be picked up and used. Satan opened the door, slithered towards the main desk and asked. ''How much for the violin?''

The shopkeeper was a small angel with big circular rimmed glasses, she had curly brown hair, wrinkles covered a majority of her small flabby face, and dark yellow eyes gaped at Satan with a bemused expression. ''The black violin? That one?'' She pointed at the violin in question and Satan quickly nodded, he was already losing his patience.

''Take it.'' She whispered and left. Lailah whistled and murmured in envy. ''Everything seems to be going in your favor nowadays. I'm a little jealous.'' Satan laughed and yelled ''Well you should be! I am better than all of you little fuckers! After all I am motherfucking Satan! Hide your daughters, hide your wives, and hide your grandmothers! Hide everyone!''

''You look happy.'' Lailah commented playfully. Satan picked the violin up and plucked a string with his long claw like finger. He shuddered in pleasure. He took the bow and walked out with his instrument. Lailah, because he has a conscience, left some money on the main desk and ran after Satan who was at least a couple of good meters ahead of him.

''Why'd you pay for it? She said just to take it.''

''She's an old lady, of course I'm going to leave some money, she probably needs it.''

Satan scoffed. ''P-lease. Don't you worry about the elderly, they know how to take care of themselves.''

''So, why'd you take a random violin and made me pay for it?'' Satan opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by Lailah. ''If she had said the price, you would have made me pay for it.''

Satan rolled his eyes and whispered for only the two of them to hear. ''It's mine.''

''Oh, of course, don't worry, I won't steal it even though I paid for it.'' Blondie informed. Satan glared at his subordinate and continued. ''I mean. It's mine. When you're being kicked out of Heaven, you aren't given the chance to pack. Thank godness I wasn't naked.''

Lailah stopped abruptly and a confused smile tugged at his lips. ''Did you just say; Thank _GODness_?''

''I'm giving you insight on Heaven during my time, which was very different, and you care about that petty meme?'' Lailah's face lit up at the word meme and he clasped his hands together. ''Please! Please! Please, tell me!''

''What, I was drunk, end of story.''

They both ceased moving when they saw God running towards them. He placed his hands on his knees and started panting. ''I am not what I used to be.''

''We were like, two blocks away from your office. Don't tell me you're eating those fatty foods again?'' Satan teased.

God's piercing eyes glared at Satan and softened at the sight of the violin in his hands. ''I wanted to throw it down and hope you catch it.''

''Thank godness he didn't, eh Satan?'' Lailah winked and caused God to groan loudly. ''Why is it back!?''

Satan shrugged and completely changed the subject. ''How many rules? Our first mission is a guardian angel type job.''

He pulled out a small handbook out of his pocket and handed it to Lailah. God smiled kindly and said something that Satan took as a personal offense. ''Memorize it, Lucifer.''

He grumbled something in his own made up demon language and grabbed the book from Lailah who was already on the last page. ''Memorize it, Lucifer. Blah, blah, blah.''

God tore open a portal and gestured for them to go in. Satan walked over to it and stared out only for God to push him through. ''Have a nice fall.''

''BURN IN HELL!''

Lailah gulped and God patted him on the back. White Wings sprouted from his back and before he could stare in awe God pushed him through too. ''Have a nicer fall.''

''Thank you!''

''Such a nice boy.'' God commented and teleported to his office, where he sat down in a leather chair behind a wooden desk. He ran his hand over the desk and chuckled. ''Oh Lucifer, this is not mahogany, it's oak.''

In the meantime

Rin and his younger twin brother Yukio just got out of Mephisto's office. Rin let out an exasperated sigh and shouted ''I hate that clown!''

Yukio rolled his eyes and murmured. ''He can still hear us you know.''

''I DON'T CARE!''

''Rin, perhaps you should…Hey what's that?'' He pointed at something blue and white falling from the sky. Rin pushed Yukio away and looked through the window only to shrug it off. ''I don't know.''

Back to Satan & Lailah

''Nice wings!'' He yelled mid-fall. Lailah chuckled and screamed in terror as they were engulfed by Satan's blue flames. ''Fly you fool!'' Satan screeched. Lailah chuckled nervously and yelled. ''I would if I knew how!''

God just faceplamed himself at that moment.

''We need to land in a pool or any deep water.'' Lailah suggested. Satan's eyes widened. ''OH REALLY! WELL I'D RATHER DIE THAN DO THAT!''

''You're being difficult!''

''I'm being reasonable!'' The demon king elaborated further. ''Do you see all of this fire!? Well, I don't want to be near water at any time!'' Lailah glared at Satan and grabbed his shoulders. ''Don't you dare. You're an inexperienced driver that's tired and you will be the injuries of us!'' Lailah laughed at the last part.

''Fuck you, you know that, Fucky.''

''Running out of insults, demon king?'' Lailah snidely remarked. The only thing running through the albino's head was; _Gehenna I better not break my violin. _Lailah got a hold of flying and cried out in delight.

Satan rolled his eyes and pointed at the True Cross Academy. Specifically the window where Yukio and Rin were watching from. ''Targets acquired.''

*Hadraniel didn't think Moses was worthy so he made him weep in fear causing God to come and reprimand him. Just for the sake of this chapter let's assume that he caused more minor problems along the way and is calling himself a rebel.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

They hadn't exactly made the cleanest landing the both of them had hoped they would. Broken glass scattered all over the marble floor of the school's west wing. Yukio's guns were drawn and ready to shoot at single movement. Satan was laying on Rin who pushed him off and got to his feet.

Mephisto walked out of his office, hamster Amaimon in tow. ''Who ever broke my window is going to pay for it. With interest.'' He informed with a little malice at the end. Satan laughed and held his sides. ''Someone pay him! He looks so adorable when he's trying to intimidate people! HAHAHAHAH!'' Mephisto's blood ran cold at the familiar sound of his father's voice. He spun at a 45 degree angle and stuttered when he laid his eyes on the demon king. ''W-what are you doing in A-Assiah? H-HOW?!''

At that moment Yukio took his sight off of Lailah and aimed his guns at Satan. ''Who is he Sir Pheles?''

''Satan.'' Rin's eyes widened as he unsheathed Kurikara, blue flames surrounding him in an instant. ''I'm not here to fight. Fornication, tell them.'' Satan ordered his young companion. Lailah forced a smile and started explaining. ''Mr. Satan (''Mr? Oh well that's very flattering junior!''), was captured by God and reinstated as an angel, community service as he's calling it, I'm the lucky person he picked as his travel companion. We're here both on a mission sent from God, and he's been trying to make my life hell from the second we met.''

Rin was the one to ask the dreaded question. ''What exactly is your mission?''

Lailah let out a muffled laugh and asked. ''Why don't you ask Satan?''

''Ha, ha, very funny. I've been assigned to two kids as their guardian angel.'' His grin widened, ''Meaning, even if you wanted me gone, that's highly unlikely to happen.''

Mephisto caught on and watched with an amused expression, anticipating the violent reaction. Amaimon transformed into his more human form and bit his fingernail.

Yukio paled a little but still held his guns firmly. ''Who are the children-''

''AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE! I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER YOU FUCKING IDIOT!''

Mephisto and Amaimon nodded; this was definitely the violent reaction they were expecting.

Rin looked at Satan and asked. ''I thought you were to powerful for Assiah and couldn't find a vessel?''

Satan pointed at the angelic circle that constantly rotated and clarified. ''This here is containing a good portion of my power, God thought of everything when he told me he was reinstating me. It's like your Kurikara if you will, just stronger and smaller...and unpractical.''

Amaimon walked up to his father and poked the circle. His face was completely neutral when he heard his father growl. ''Amaimon, stop it.'' He didn't. Satan was still sitting on the ground, his youngest son really likes pointing those guns at him, when he burst into blue flames and yelled. ''Do NOT touch the circle!'' The blue circle shook, became transparent, shook, and became normal again. ''Well, not as strong as I expected.'' He grinned at his frightened sons and intern. At least he got Amaimon off his back. He jumped to his feet, grabbed Yukio's guns with his hands, aimed them at the ceiling the minute Yuko pulled the triggers. Amaimon in his monotonous tone stated. ''Father, Mephisto hates when people, including family, break his stuff.'' Satan looked at Lailah who was finished paying Mephsito and chuckled when he saw him take out more money. ''I'm really sorry for the ceiling.'' He heard him say.

Mephisto grumbled, but gladly took the money. ''I know how Satan is like.''

Yukio, whose glasses flashed dangerously, asked in a demanding tone. ''Just _how_ do you know how Satan is like?''

Satan laughed when it clicked to him. ''My dear Samael, you've not told them of your lineage?'' He gasped dramatically and then stuck his tongue out grinning like a Cheshire cat.

The demon king of Time snarled at his father. ''The Vatican doesn't trust me as is, they don't need to know anything other than me being a demon.''

''I'm getting a distinct feeling you're ashamed of me?'' Satan ironically asked and burst out laughing. Yukio put two and two together, placed his guns back in their hoisters, and asked something off topic. ''Why is an angel with you if you, and you alone have been assigned as my brother's and mine guardian?''

Lailah coughed. ''More like accidentally and greedily picked your mission. Man, my throat is really sore.'' He coughed again to prove his point. Satan chuckled half heartedly and sent him a glare that clearly stated: _I will burn you._

''Okay, so, he's your helper right? Well, I'm sticking with him. You, stay away from me!'' Rin incoherently yelled. Satan shrugged his shoulders. ''I'm okay with that. I was looking forward to speaking with Yukio anyway. You're uninteresting to me. Sorry.'' He mouthed the last part and condescendingly smirked. When he was finally allowed to stand up he walked up to Amaimon and flicked his finger at his forehead. ''The next time you don't follow my orders the second I utter them, I'll kill Behemouth.'' Amaimon nodded slowly to illustrate his understanding of the situation. Satan frowned at that slowness of his and asked. ''Sammy, (''That name really sounds familiar to me.'' Lailah spoke) are you completely sure I didn't fuck a sloth and got Amaimon?''

''I walked in on the two of you remember?'' Satan still stood there like a confused idiot. ''You threw the bible at me?''

''Ah, yes...I need that bible back by the way.''

''I gave it to Azazel.''

''What does Azazel need a bible for?''

''He mentioned something about haunting a very religious family and needed to know some scriptures.''

''Well as long as it was for a good cause, I guess.''

''Are you going to _leave_?'' Mephsito strained the word 'leave' and it took him very little not to repeat it in other languages.

Satan's eyes widened slightly. ''Oh, yes. I need to get back to my job.'' Lailah happily gave him the burnt handbook and repeated. ''Memorize it.''

''I, unfortunately, take orders from God, not you.''

''Well didn't God tell you to memorize it first?''

''He did.''

''You're not going to memorize it, are you?''

''I'm going to read it, but I'm not promising anything.''

Yukio cleared his throat and announced, ''Brother and I need to get to class. You're welcome to stay in our dormitory.'' Satan nodded and went in the direction where Mephisto explained. Lailah on the other hand yelled. ''STOP!'' Satan resentfully stopped. ''Rule number one of being a guardian angel states that you have to be with your kid(s) 24/7 a day. Including Bathroom time.''

Rin, Satan, and Yukio all yelled in unison. ''NO (FUCKING) WAY! THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!''

Satan took this as his cue to promote Satanism. ''You see this! God's crazy when it comes to rules! He'd let some perv watch over you! Demons aren't guardians at all! I'm so much better eh? Who agrees raise your hand!'' He raised his hand, Amaimon's hand in tow. Mephisito rolled his eyes, raised his hand, and explained why. ''If it'll shut him up, it's a small price to pay.''

Satan looked over to his young sons and whispered. ''Oh, I can win you over with gifts, I'm sure of it.''

Yukio sighed in defeat, and placed his head in his hand. ''Fine, I'll take you to class.'' He lifted his head up and ordered. ''You are NOT to disrupt class in any way. Any questions?''

Satan raised his hand. Yukio nodded for him to ask. ''Can we fall asleep if it gets too boring?''

BANG

Yukio shot his gun.

****Blue Flames****

''Class, there will be two people joining us. Be yourselves, they're just evaluating-'' Before Yukio could finish Lailah's and Satan's cover Satan yelled in joy. ''THANK YOU!'' He hugged Yukio and raised the pitch of his voice. ''YOU SAVED ME FROM GEHENNA! I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THIS GRAND OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLORE AND LEARN NEW THINGS!'' Fake tears streamed down Satan's face as he continued yelling. ''I'm just...so happy!'' To finish off his act he took a handkerchief from Lailah and blew his nose in it.

Shiemi naively smiled, completely unaware of whom she was happy for. Kamiki scoffed and resumed reading her book. Bon and the rest of the gang stared in silence until Shima broke the ice by saying. ''I can assure you that human women are probably 100 times more beautiful than female demons.''

Kirigakure Shura and Takana Nemu both stayed quiet and watched from the sidelines. Shura felt some weird vibes radiate from the crying demon, who was clearly faking it. She knew demons well enough to recognize it when they're obviously trying to fake it.

Yukio smiled sheepishly and continued. ''Well, class-''

Satan cleared his throat, and introduced Lailah, ''My companion here is a genuine angel, he's called Lailah.'' Shima snickered whilst everyone either scoffed (Kamiki and Shura) or gaped in awe. ''Wow! Really teacher?'' Bon asked Yukio who nodded.

Kamiki inquired Satan. ''Then, who are you?''

''I'm a demon slave, I don't have a name. And since Yukio has saved me from the evil, but reasonable, clutches of Satan, I am his slave. It's the code.''

Yukio's eye twitched underneath his glasses. What was Satan doing? Satan thought a similar thing. What am I doing? Lowering my status like this in a room filled with Coal Tars...those little gossip girls.

Lailah on the other hand fainted from the amount of attention he was receiving.

Satan muttered something and both his sons sent him a warning look. He raised his hands in a defensive manner and asked. ''Whaat?''

Satan dragged Lailah and placed him in a chair next to Shiemi. He walked around and sat down next to Kamiki. Strangely enough it looked the most welcoming.

Rin sat next to Konekomaru, behind Shima and Bon, and even more strangely, paid attention.

''Today, we'll be learning about The Eight Demon Kings. Does anyone know anything about them that they would like to share?'' He cursed himself the second he uttered that sentence.

Satan's arm shot up.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N; THEY'RE ****17 and a half ****here! I forgot to mention that. Silly me. Oh yeah, I'm doing a chapter and I want to know which pairing would you guys like? I'm kind of leaning on KamikixRin here...only for Rin though, Yukio's going to run away from any female due to a fangirl related trauma that scarred him for life. XD**

**CHECK THIS STORY OUT IF YOU LIKE **_**PARENTAL!SATAN**_**; **_**I dare you to say raising kids is easy! I dare you! **_**The author is ****Kizmuth****, she's my dear cousin and the writing is alike mine, she knows her grammar and doesn't make typos...one or two per a couple of chapters may evade her but that's that. It's a humor, fluff, crack story regarding the early stages of The Eight Demon Kings, starting from Samael, Mephisto Pheles as a baby. Yikes! **

Chapter Four

''Mmm...Shiemi...Izumo you too...Mmmh.'' Rin mumbled happily in his sleep and whispered, ''Oh yeah...mmm... that's the spot...'' Satan had his hand over his mouth in an attempt to subdue his laughter. With his free hand he stroked Rin's tail up and down and tickled the fuzzy top making Rin tingle in delight.

While that was going on Lailah and Yukio were talking about things in the cafeteria. It was a Saturday so they weren't in school. ''So, Rin is still fast asleep, I take it?'' Lailah awkwardly asked. Yukio nodded and sipped some tea the Ukobach made for them.

''What's Heaven like?'' Yukio asked and set his teacup down. Lailah chuckled weakly. ''I'm not really allowed to say.'' Yukio nodded and murmured. ''I understand.''

''Although, I can tell you this...it changes...A lot...it was Star Wars themed for May 1st.'' Yukio wanted to ask more but stopped when Rin yelled. ''YOU BASTARD!'' Cue Satan's laughter and they knew who was to blame. Yukio drew his guns and pointed them at Satan who ran down the staircase and laughed. He was wearing one of Samael's pink PJs. ''What did you do?'' Yukio demanded.

Satan laughed without even managing on taking a breather to explain. Rin whose tail was swishing from left to right furiously ran towards Satan with his Kurikara unsheathed and was ready to fight. ''DIE!'' He swung Kurikara and lodged it in a wall. Satan dodged the attack and jumped behind Lailah and Yukio. ''Oooh, Samael won't be happy about that...he hates when his stuff is broken.'' He shrugged. ''Or so I've heard.''

''Mr. Satan, could you _please_ act responsibly?'' Lailah pleaded.

''Nope.''

''Worth a try.'' The angel muttered.

At the end, Satan decided Yukio was too boring and chose to stick with Rin. Yukio had no objections to that but he was worried. The older twin was becoming more feral, what with Satan always teasing him. Teacher Okumura was glad when all of his students bought Satan's act...Except Shura of course, but she wasn't his student. Class was never that...fun and he had to admit they learned some valuable information, whether Satan gave them willingly or drunkenly (SHURA TO THE RESCUE!), they gained some information. Some were more personal...Strangely enough he could imagine little Mephisto dressing up as a girl and parading around the castle, and some were... very noteworthy. He looked at Rin's blue blazing flames and thought. _''Who knew they had healing properties?''_

That could also be something false Satan said. He's weirdly honest when he's drunk. He scowled when he recalled yesterday's escapades with Shura.

****Satan's a happy drunk? ****

''_YUKIO, GIVE ME A HUG!'' Satan opened up his arms and wobbled towards Yukio. Shura was too drunk to notice the blue flames coming off of Satan, thinking they were Rin's, she only cheered them on. ''YEAH FOUR-EYES GIVE HIM A HUG!''_

_After an uncomfortable hug Satan pushed Yukio away from him and threw up on Yukio's shoes. ''I really hate you.'' He muttered as he loaded his gun with holy blessed silver bullets. _

_BANG!_

_Satan cursed and fell backwards. _

****End****

After that, Satan settled on Rin...he was _safer _with him...and Yukio was too boring...sure, you have a gun that hurts, why use it ALL of the time?

KNOCK! KNOCK!

''Who's there?'' Satan asked and stopped everyone who wanted to open the door.

''Shura.''

''Shura who?'' Satan was persistent.

''Shura, I'm gonna kick yer ass in a tub filled with holy water, THAT Shura.'' Satan snickered and opened the door. ''If this is about touching your breasts...then I _apologize_.'' He grinned at her. ''We do a lot of strange things when we're drunk.'' He added and gestured for her to come in, she gladly did.

''I still can't believe I had a drinking contest with Satan last night.'' Shura muttered disgusted with herself. ''As I've previously stated, we do a lot of strange things when we're drunk.'' Satan reminded. Yukio greeted her, Rin gulped and smiled sheepishly, and Lailah waved meekly and ran upstairs.

''He's like that a lot around women...'' Satan mumbled in mild interest.

Shura patted Rin on the back forcefully and asked. ''Ready for yer training!?''

Satan's curiosity perked up. ''Training, may I come?'' Rin wanted to outright refuse but Shura nonchalantly agreed. ''Sure.'' They waited for Rin to eat breakfast and when he finished they were out in a flash. When Shura asked the Demon King if he wanted to change into something more respectable he told her as long as he wasn't naked it was respectable.

''How exactly do you train him? Is there any positive reinforcement like...treats?'' Satan suggested off hand. Shura shook her head. ''Naw, he knows why he's here, why he's **STILL **training. At least we've advanced in these two or so years. How long are yer sticking around...'' Satan smirked at the fear she was trying hard not to show. ''Until they're 18, then I'm on my merry way. Every guardian angel is mandated to stick around until their kid(s) turn(s) 18... Then they can either stay or leave as fast as they can.''

''Hmm.'' Shura murmured. They reached one of the training rooms. Rin grumbled at the smirk Satan was giving him. ''I'm just here to watch, Rin show me what you got!'' He sat down next to Shura who was already preparing a beer to drink.

''You know the drill Rin! Conjure some fireballs and FIRE!'' She gestured for the targets, much like the candles, he had to hit one of them...the middle one. He exhaled and inhaled deeply. Satan stopped talking and watched Rin with anticipation. ''Okay, I got this.'' He whispered to himself. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his hand. The blue flames burst from his body and engulfed him in whole. ''That's not good.'' Satan muttered and sipped a beer Shura handed him.

He opened his eyes and screamed when a small fireball formed in his palm. He aimed it and threw it at the targets...making it miss said targets, and almost hitting Satan who dispersed it with a mere wave of the hand. Satan stood up and walked over to Rin. ''If you're done screaming like Anime characters then I'd be happy to show you how it's done. After all, you're no good to me untrained.'' He smiled. ''I'm not usually this statue-y but you need to see how it works so I'll endure.''

Satan took on a fighting stance. He raised his arm and held it on a 90 degree angle. Open palm. Then his blue flames came into play; his eyes being the only things engulfed. ''Rule number one; ONLY THE EYES AND PALM ARE TO BE ON FIRE! And tail...but you aren't ready for that.'' A small, yet considerably more stable and bigger than Rin's fireball, appeared in Satan's hand. He snickered while he instructed. ''Oh this takes me back; Iblis was such fast learner. Having your whole body surrounded in flames is sloppy and it _burns _up more of your energy...Get it? _Burns._'' He chuckled at the bad pun and went back to teaching. ''You don't really require a stable stance...you aren't duelling, and the enemy isn't going to give you time to prepare...'' Satan jumped from behind Rin and rested his arm on Rin's shoulder, still aiming at the target. ''You need to be agile, quick on your feet if you will.'' He shot half of the fireball and it hit the middle target, making it burn. The other half disappeared; presumably back into Satan's body. ''I made it too big.'' He stuck his tongue out at the lack of effort he put in. ''Eyes are the most important thing, Rin.'' He pointed at his light blue eyes and then at Rin's darker ones. Without another word he gestured for his second youngest son to try.

Rin grumbled. ''Fine.''

****A couple of blue explosions later****

''YOU'RE HOPELESS!'' Satan yelled. Shura was drunk, ''Meh, yer teach him, I'm just gonna lay down, rest my eyes for a bit.''

Satan tackled Rin and yelled. ''YOU'RE NOT HOPELESS, YOU'RE BEYOND HOPELESS, I'M JUST WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE UP A WORD THAT SUMS YOU UP!'' Rin growled. ''Do you really expect me to get it just like that!?''

Satan stopped. He stood up, helped Rin up, dusted some ash off of Rin's uniform, and admitted. ''You're right.'' Rin gaped. ''Eh?!''

''You need more practise, Iblis is a genius, you are not, I can't really...Iblis is a genius.'' He whispered the last part. Rin could see the imaginary light bulb that appeared above Satan's head.

''I'll just call Iblis over!'' Before Rin could object Satan was already texting on a phone Mephisto had given him.

****Father Son messed up bond****

''_Hesitate to call.'' Mephisto whispered._

''_Don't you mean; __**Don't**__ hesitate to call?'' Satan asked._

''_I know what I said.'' And with that he turned into a dog and walked away from the albino._

****End of flashbacks for this chapter****

''Oh, he texted back and said he can't come. Pity. He took it upon himself to rule Gehenna in my place during my absence. I'm really proud of him,'' he looked at Rin and asked in a bored voice, ''why can't you do something that would make me proud?''

''I don't want to make you proud.'' Rin snapped and tried creating another fireball, he won't leave until he does it right.

''Eyes.'' Satan lectured, ''Never forget the eyes, Rin.''

Rin inhaled deeply, Satan was too annoying. He closed his eyes. Satan was watching him with an indifferent expression. ''Why are the eyes so important?'' Rin asked. He cringed at the screeching laugh Satan emitted. ''I'm not telling until you do it. Just concentrate on your eyes...oh right you're hyperactive.''

''Am not.''

''Are too.'' Satan got an idea with this and smirked.

Rin with his closed eyes didn't notice the smirk and continued bickering. ''AM NOT!''

''R2.'' The error of his ways struck him when he realized his clueless son was supposed to deliver the punch line.

''AM NOT, AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME!'' Rin's whole body was overwhelmed by his blue flames, two and a half years of learning how to control his temper, just when he finally thought he got things under control, Satan had to show up...like this!

Rin Okumura, the third royal fire demon (even though he doesn't want to be) snapped his eyes open and screamed in pain when his flames turned on him and started eating at his clothes. Satan grinned and held up Kurikara. Rin cursed; he completely let his guard down and left Kurikara next to sleeping Shura.

''You little shit, I'm not pleased with your progress...If it were up to me, naw, it isn't, why bother?'' He sheathed the sword, making Rin's flames disappear. He tossed it in front of him and explained. ''You're useless, ANY fire demon with common knowledge could take over and control your flames, and that would make you fucking screwed. This isn't just me, or Iblis, it's EVERY FUCKING FIRE DEMON out there. Gehenna, your ineptitude amazes me. **I **told **your** flames to do that. The sad thing is, Rin stop rolling your eyes at me, the sad thing is, heh, your flames actually listened.''

''This isn't a small problem like I thought at first.'' He walked over to Rin who was sprawled on the floor. ''I thought at first that you just had some difficulties with your flames that could easily be corrected.'' He stepped on his son's tail forcefully. Rin yelped loudly and then growled. ''Now I see that during my stay here **I'LL **have to teach you everything like I would a small child.'' Satan sighed deeply. ''Pathetic. Come on, you're buying me some ice-cream. It's way too hot here.'' Rin looked at him, he hated him so much, but he listened nonetheless.

''You kinda remind me of your mum, you know that?'' The archangel smiled fondly.

''You and her had a REAL thing?'' Satan unexpectedly stopped walking, Rin scowled at him, they were JUST at the surprisingly cheap ice-cream place. He didn't know anything remotely cheap existed in True Cross. ''Of course we had a real thing, Rin, what do you take me for? I LOVED her!'' He snapped and his pupils became deadly red. Rin gulped and pointed at the ice-cream shop. ''LOOK ICE-CREAM!''

Satan's mood rapidly changed, he clasped his hand together and said happily. ''Finally! I get to taste this chocolate chip you humans have hired small children to distribute!''

Rin just stared, confused. ''You mean...girl scouts?'' He remembered seeing those on TV while he was trying to learn English a few months ago. Satan dragged him in, making that small bell ring, and like a very small child filled with wonder he plastered his face against the glass separating him and various ice-cream flavours.

''I want them all.'' He whispered. Rin yelled, ''YEAH, LIKE I HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY! This place might be moderately cheap but STILL!''

His blood father smirked at him and took out a small plastic card, which Rin gaped at realizing that it was Mephisto's master card. ''Oh, Rin, Rin, Rin, have fun, your daddy's finally making up for all of those years of not being there.'' Rin scoffed. ''Just enjoy these fucking five months and three and a half weeks jackass.'' Satan muttered and started ordering some ice-cream for other people that looked like they could die from a heat flash.

''THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR!'' One of them said. Satan smirked gleefully. ''Oh no, this is all Johann Faust's treat, not mine. It's his money.'' Rin begged. ''Natas please, yes that's your public name don't mock my unoriginality, please, please, stop spending Mephisto's money.''

Satan turned around and whispered, rather harshly for someone in pink PJs. ''This is his way of paying me back for his childhood, I only have a couple of more thousands to spend, thankfully for him, he was a low-priced teenager, but GEHENNA was that brat an expensive child, just a couple of more shopping bills and we're done.'' He placed his clawed hand on Rin's shoulder. ''Unless you want something, I would be very glad to buy it for you, with Mephisto's money, anything at all.''

Meanwhile

A hot pink limousine was going beyond the allowed speed limit. Mephisto was growling in the lounge back; whilst his driver frantically stepped on the gas peddle. ''STOP!'' Mephisto yelled.

The driver hit the brakes, leaving black tire tracks back.

**ICE CREAM FOR LOW PRICES (I SCREAM FOR LOW PRICES)**

The agitated Demon King of Time and Space stepped out and put on a thrilled facade when people ran up to him to thank him. He mustn't show his demon form in front of people or the Vatican would have his tail. He repeated that for quite a while.

He barely managed to walk to the store through that crowd; the screaming heads from the infamous Gehenna gate weren't as grabby as these people. The small bell rang, indicating the new arrival of the richest man on Earth.

The shop keeper was an old widower whose wife passed away a couple of years ago. He was a tall man with short greying hair, a kind smile, and beady light brown eyes. ''Oh, Sir Pheles, Rin Okumura was here with a suspicious demon in pink Pyjamas. I wanted to call you buut, they were amazing customers.'' And said old widower was a retired second upper class exorcist. Mephisto angrily, through gritted teeth asked. ''Where. Are. They?'' He kept his voice low, not wanting to cause a scene.

The old widower smiled. ''They went that-a-way.'' He pointed left, then when Mephisto was about to leave he sighed. ''Maybe they went that way?'' he pointed right. ''Or maybe...'' He smirked and extended his hand. ''I have Alzheimer. '' Sir Pheles gaped at the man and begrudgingly took out some money to pay him. ''Age hasn't changed you I see.''

His eyes sparkled as he stuffed the money in his pants pocket hurriedly. ''I just wish my darling wife who had the cutest flabby wrinkled face, curly brown hair, and round glasses could be here and see YOU pay me for information.'' He sighed gloomily. ''She's in Heaven though; I bet she's happy running an antique shop. She always wanted to do that.''

Mephisto twitched.

''WHERE DID THEY GO!?'' Screw not causing a scene, he was robbed! 50 000 000 yen, gone, JUST LIKE THAT! Twitch. _He _spent it on ICE-CREAM!

''I heard Rin mumble something about...'' A clock struck 12 and the old widower shrugged his shoulders. ''Break time, come back in an hour or so.'' He shooed everyone out, including Sir Pheles and went his merry way.

''WELL THAT ACOMPLISHED NOTHING!'' Samael growled.

**Where did Rin and Satan go? Did Yukio and Lailah ever find out who was the culprit? Oh wait that's next chapter. I'm sort of trying to make these guys bond a little... Lailah is doing absolutely nothing...I should have left him in Heaven, but damn, does anyone like that guy anyway?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I updated! It's so cracky. Should I have a pairing in this story?**

Chapter Five

''I could've bought you a small island near the equator, but NO,'' Satan grumbled in bewilderment, ''you just wanted me to buy you sukiyaki ingredients.'' Rin had the biggest smile on his face as he stocked up on food. ''It's my favourite meal. The Old Man taught me how to make it.'' The young half-demon growled when he remembered how Fujimoto died. ''It's your fault he died. You ass-''

''SO WHAT?'' Satan yelled and shrugged his shoulders. Rin growled when he motioned for Satan to do his credit card thing.

''Hey, let's play a game!'' The childish side of Satan was waking up. ''What kind of game?'' Rin asked at the cash register begrudgingly. ''A question game, you ask me questions, any you'd like, anything it doesn't even have to be demon related, just something you wanted to know.''

Rin thought about it for a moment. He shrugged his shoulders and thought, it couldn't hurt to try. When they exited the groceries store, where Satan bought a ton of ice-cream boxes, Rin asked the first question. ''What's Gehenna like?''

Satan entwined his hands, raised them above his head and mused. ''Hmm, it's divided into a couple of regions. Northern Gehenna, Western Gehenna and Centre Gehenna are your urban cities with skyscrapers, bars, brothels etcetera.'' He kicked a soda can with his right foot and continued. ''Whilst Eastern and Southern Gehenna are your country side if you will, they're filled with deadly forests, jungles and wild demons who haven't exactly conformed to the more civilized manner of living. Oh don't misunderstand, the urban demons still fight like brutes but they're more docile.''

Rin took in that information. ''Where do you live?''

''Centre Gehenna.'' The younger of the two waited for the snowy haired albino to elaborate, seeing he didn't plan to, Rin asked another question. ''Who're your allies?''

''The Eight (well technically seven, wait no, six, well, uh) Demon Kings, last time I've checked Yukio taught this lesson barely a day ago.'' Satan glared at Rin. ''Don't tell me you weren't paying attention? ''

''What's it to you!?'' Rin snapped, speeding up his pace. ''Well, I may or may not have bragged about you in one of the watering holes I go to in Gehenna and I'll be bathed in _holy water_ if I don't have something to back me up. That's it, I knew Shiro had a too leisure approach with you.''

''Don't call him Shiro.'' Rin ordered in a low deadly voice. ''You don't deserve to call him that.''

''Oh, someone's mad!'' Satan laughed openly. ''But do you think he'd like you wasting your chance like this?''

''What're you talking about?'' An agitated Rin asked.

''You got in a pretty nice school...that's expensive as fuck mind you...you're becoming an exorcist- I have to commend you on your goal, you either go big or go home- and you're wasting it away like this, your grades are miserable, it's like you're not even trying.'' That last bit struck a nerve. Rin marched up to Satan and yelled. ''FUCK YOU!''

''Yes, yes, anything else you'd like to add to your list of profanities you had always wanted to say?'' Rin was looking up and growling loudly at the demon king. Satan's amused expression turned to one of mock surprise. ''Wow, you're actually mad about this? Fine, let's drop the subject and talk about something else...hmm...Ah. Yes.'' Satan grinned and pointed at Rin and asked in a dead serious tone. ''You've been educated about sex correct?''

Rin blushed madly at the question and yelled. ''WHAT THE HELL!? BASTARD!'' Rin went to punch him, but Satan predicted that and stepped out of the way. ''Just answer the question.'' Satan seethed. Rin mumbled something about perverts being everywhere and then said. ''Yeah, I had Sex Ed.''

''Did you fail that like everything else?'' The king of all demons didn't even try to hide his boredom.

An angry anime mark appeared on Rin's head as he clenched his hand into a fist and shook in silent fury. ''I passed.'' He mumbled.

''After how many fails?'' Satan who was clearly enjoying this asked _innocently. _''I didn't fail.'' Rin said through gritted teeth. ''Noo, you passed with flying colours...why the fuck do they call them flying colours?'' Satan grinned sheepishly. Rin noticed he didn't have a very large attention span.

''Get to the point.''

''You have no idea what your tail is for do you?''

''It's _there_.'' Rin answered and made a funny hand gesture.

''Yes, it's _there _for sexual purposes.'' Satan said and patted Rin on the back. ''Well, you're lucky you have such an amazing dad who has SO MUCH experience.''

''Hey, who took your virginity?'' Rin asked out of the bloom. His demon father blushed slightly and stammered. ''T-that's none of your business!''

Rin stuck his tongue out, he caught him now. ''Well, didn't you _just _say that you'd answer every question I'd ask you?''

''Just fuck you Rin, go make your sukiyaki.'' Satan muttered grumpily. ''Was it Yuri?'' Rin was seriously worrying Satan with these illogical questions.

''Yes, it was Yuri, I donated my sperm to eight demon women and that's how I got eight children before having you and your brother.'' Satan sarcastically said and sped up his pace. Rin rolled his eyes and walked alongside him. ''Let me guess...An Angel?''

''We are not having this conversation!'' Satan growled and Rin was the one to laugh loudly. ''Shut up!''

****Blue Flames ****

''I can't believe I'm being robbed! I'm THE TIME AND SPACE DEMON KING and I can't find those two idiots!'' The driver said nothing. ''Honestly! Do you know how much people I had to trick into getting this fortune of mine? Hmm, well? DO YOU!?''

The driver kept on driving, letting his boss vent.

''IT TOOK ME 500 YEARS, LINUS!'' The driver now identified as Linus shut up and drove, running through every red light. Mephisto sighed and rubbed his temples. ''I need to call Amaimon for help.'' He took his phone out and dialled his brother's number. Tapping his foot against the limo floor he waited impatiently.

''_Aniue?''_

''Ah yes, have you seen father anywhere?''

''_He gave me money to buy candy...he went somewhere with Rin.''_

''Where did they go? This is very important!''

''_Samael-nii are you okay? You sound stressed...more than usual. You want some candy?''_

''My, I've really scared you for you to want to share. No it's just father's in Assiah and he's going to ruin my plans.''

''_Maybe it's a good thing he's here. He could get Rin to become a real demon and then we could fight.''_

''You have a very simple mind.''

''_...''_

''Amai-kun, I need you to strip both Rin and father of any plastic cards when you find them, life-time supply of nutella if you do so.''

_*sounds of phone falling to ground and a whooshing sound of Amaimon jumping from building to building in a mad frenzy fuelled solely by his hunger for nutella* _

''I knew I could get him motivated.'' Mephisto grinned and relaxed a bit. ''I need to wipe Linus' memory...Linus my dear driver, pull over will you?''

****Blue Flames****

''Lailah, I've got a question!'' said Bon who decided to visit along with Konekomaru, Izumo and Shima. Lailah squirmed in his seat smiled politely and said. ''Okay...ask away.''

''Where are your wings?''

''They're there, you guys just can't see them, unless I want you to see them.'' Lailah said and gulped when everyone leaned forward and whispered in unison. ''Show us.''

''I, uh, don't want to...''

At that moment Satan opened the door violently and stormed towards Lailah, grabbed his shirt collar, and started dragging him upstairs.

''Well, if it isn't the demon who belongs to Yukio, so you like the angel huh, I won't judge.'' Shima laughed and winked at the demon. Satan, Natas to the bunch twitched. ''He and I,'' gestures Lailah and himself, ''are not engaging in the activities you think-''

''Your voice is lower.'' Izumo stated with a raised bushy eyebrow. Satan had apparently forgotten to switch to his innocent Natas persona. _Thank you Rin, and your inquiries regarding my early sex life, oh how I thank you!_

''Well,'' Satan right as he was about to lie his way out of this, Amaimon jumped through the window and tackled him.

''Found you.'' Amaimon stated plainly and poked his father with a yellow lemon lollipop.

Kamiki was glaring at them now; her hand hovered above a small bag filled with summoning paper. ''What does he want with you?'' she asked Satan, or Natas how Rin was telling everyone to call him. ''To tell you the truth I've not a clue.'' Serpentine blue eyes stared up at his son's lustful ones, a grin slowly spread across Satan's face. ''What do you want, sonny boy?''

In that moment, he blew his own cover.

''WHAT THE HELL MAN?!'' Rin was first to yell.

''Eh, I don't wanna play the innocent demon slave anymore...'' Satan whined like a small child. ''This isn't me Rin! AND IF TV's TAUGHT ME ANYTHING IS THAT I HAVE TO BE MYSELF! I'M GONNA BE FREE!''

Amaimon looked down at his smirking father. ''Hello father. You're the most powerful-''

''I'm not giving you the credit card, so you can stop with the sucking up. I MIGHT give it to you, but not until I get a pool, I'll fill it with holy water, and then for the hell of it I'll push you in it broccoli.''

''So, you're just wasting money?'' interjected Yukio who noticed his frozen students. He needed to explain to them the whole situation before they tattled on him to the other teachers. Yukio paled. What if the Grigori found out?

Satan pushed Amaimon off of him and rose to his feet slowly. Konekomaru gulped loudly and caused Satan to grin and flare up in his trademark blue flames, finally reassuring them that their worst, a little twisted, nightmare has come to reality. ''Greetings!'' Satan waved happily, totally out of their already thought up character for him.

Bon clenched his fist and tried punching the dark overlord of Gehenna. Satan dodged and hid behind Shima. ''I'd suggest you let the angel explain before coming up with irrational conclusions, eh?'' He grinned, his pupils turning red.

Shima stayed still as Satan circled him. ''If any of you are still confused, even though I'm like a blue lantern, my name's Satan. Nice to meet ya ladies and Shima whom I thought was a buff girl...'' The temporary angel jumped from Shima to Kamiki and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. ''Ah, my desk buddy, how are you?''

''Fine.'' She hissed, causing his grin to widen. ''Oh, m'dear, my, you sure are a feisty one. Can't wait to see ya in Hell...well, maybe, it all depends on you really.'' Satan winked at her and as he walked towards Rin he patted Konekomaru's bald head twice.

Turning his heel he skipped to Lailah and dragged him towards Rin. ''You're sleeping on the damn couch, the guest bed is MINE, we clear on that?'' Satan hissed menacingly to Lailah and rubbed his aching back.

POOF!

Mephisto Pheles appeared in all his pink glory, growling and pointing his umbrella at Satan. For comic effect, Satan raised his hands in the air and screamed ''NO, NOT THE UMBRELLA!''

Samael grinned at his father disturbingly. ''You've officially maxed out my master credit card, and on what?''

''Ice cream, sukiyaki ingredients, we ran into Shura so I paid her tab...s, some stuffed Monobear toys, anime and manga, books, I gave some cash to Amaimon for candy, that ATM is one hell of an invention, kudos to you humans...Amazon. I bought Amazon share...oooh comic books! Iron Man is cool! Then I ordered pizza for an Ivana P. Ehehe. Oh and THEN-''

''It was a rhetorical question.'' Mephisto twitched angrily. Satan only stuck his tongue out as a response. The students watched the two demons intently. The white haired devil was their biggest fear, it IS their biggest fear, and his behaviour was certainly something they weren't expecting. He acted like small child with too much power. Now of course, it must be a guise he put up not to scare them too much in this peculiar predicament he was in, but still. Then they looked at the supposed Angel, he was smiling at the devil and agreeing with everything said devil said.

Mephisto walked determinedly up to his father and hissed at him bravely, completely forgetting whom he was addressing in that fit of rage of his. ''Out. I want you out! Get out of the true cross-''

''I have to take Rin and Yukio with me too-''

''Even better!''

''You're thinking irrationally... the Grigori...your master plan, whatever it is. Money isn't everything, just because you've been dealt with a _wee_ blow to your finances doesn't mean everything's gone to Hell...eheheh.'' Satan said teasingly, grinning from pointy ear to pointy ear. His son twitched again. ''Is that a tick or something?'' Satan asked.

''You're not mooching off of them or the angel! I'm paying them both 2000 yen! I'm not raising their monthly allowance just because there are more people-''

''You don't have to. I'll get a job.'' Satan spoke up happily with a genuine smile. In that moment, all of Hell froze over.

EXTRA SCENE

''AN ELEPHANT!?'' Mephisto shouted in surprise. Amaimon was riding said elephant, sucking on his lollipop, mini Behemouth on the elephant's head. Satan tip toed behind his son silently.

''You bought an elephant?!'' Mephisto turned around facing his father. ''WHY? Why would you ever want to buy such a thing? Why an elephant of all things?''

''Elephant...s. My intent was to breed them and make myself a small army of elephants to ride into battle with. The girl is yet to arrive. She's coming along with the whole zoo...''

Satan's second born asked quietly. ''What? Father, what?''

''SURPRISE! PAPA BOUGHT YOU A ZOO!''


End file.
